Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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