drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
