How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
