Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
