I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you win again, gameday.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
