Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
