omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
