out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
