My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
