Me too!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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