literally had 100 drinks last night.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
