I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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