Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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