i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
