Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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