we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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