I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
