The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
