I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
