I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize