And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
