If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
