i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
