he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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