I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
