well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
