every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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