if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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