I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
