Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
