if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
