think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
