do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize