Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
