we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
