her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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