he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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