There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
