Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
