i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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