I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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