Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
