she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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