May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
