So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
