1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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