I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
