there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
