3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
