He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
