is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
