People in love make me want to vomit
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
