Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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