I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
