I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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