im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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