i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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