The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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