My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
