sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
