I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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