Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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