Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
