i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
