I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
