I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
