You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize