My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
