i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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