Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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