So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i now understand why vodka
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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