thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
