So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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