Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
